Slow Tears

i I look up
as a tear rolls slowly
down my cheek
I think about better days
and wonder if I'll feel that way again
you look at me
with those eyes I know so well
always serious, so deep and insightful
as though you're always in control
But not today
not now
Now you look so scared
like for once you don't have the answer
I gaze at you
looking deep into those hazel eyes
Hoping to understand
why you've said those things you did
I wonder for a moment
if this is all a dream
if I shall wake in the morning
and be relieved
you look at me
with a confusion I have never seen
slowly pull me towards you
and wipe the tears from my cheek

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS..............

In real life, some people are not really meant to be together, and sometimes when you’ve tried everything humanly possible — and I mean really tried everything including asking for divine intervention — and failed, it’s smart to know when to walk away.

Walking away does not necessarily mean you will be able to stop loving that person because if you really love someone from your heart and soul you will never stop loving that person. Love is so much bigger than all of us because it’s the very fabric by which we are made of. And when you love someone what you are basically doing is getting in touch with what you are made of. Trying to stop love is like trying to get out of your own skin — good luck with that!
Walking away or “getting over” that person means that you stop expecting him or her to give you what he or she in unable to, is unwilling to, or just doesn’t want to. And sometimes that something is commitment.

But I think a lot of people walk away too soon. This is the sad reality of the “modern” world we live in. We think that relationships come in little neat packages with instructions “Add A Little Sex And Live Happily Ever’. Many people don’t realize that relationships need time and work. And with all the advice about “too many fish in the sea”, walking away seems the coolest thing to do. It shows that you “don’t care” and from where this kind of advice comes from, that is supposed to be a good thing. But many years later — just like the people who gave you the advice — you are still trying to “catch fish” in that sea. What does it say about you if you can’t catch even one fish in a sea with too many fish?

Many more aren’t willing to work as hard to make a relationship work as they work hard in their professions or careers. These same people start pushing premature commitment because of their own internal pressures and are quick to conclude it isn’t working and walk away.

And then there are some people who try to work things out but go about it the wrong way — nagging, begging, blaming, guilt tripping, giving ultimatums, playing break-up on and off again games etc. This very same things you do to try to get a “commitment” are the very things that make a commitment phobe even more weary of committing or run like an escaped death-row convict.

So true, being in love with someone who is afraid of commitment is hard, but commitment phobia is not a “terminal illness”.

Men and women do get over their fear of commitment. I did. And you probably have heard or know of many men and women who were written off as commitment phobes by the people they were in a relationship with and two months later they have committed to someone else. And the person who dumped the commitment phobe is left confused, angry, jealous, bitter and feeling terribly inadequate — like something is so wrong with her/him that someone who could never commit to them, had no problems committing to the next person.

Sometimes what a commitment phobe needs is:

– someone who doesn’t automatically assume that it’s all a selfish act but understands and appreciates where the fear and anxieties are coming from (fear of losing one’s independence, fear of marriage, fear of intimacy, fear of having kids, fear of financial burdens, fear of sharing a home, fear of offending family members, fear of moving to another state or country etc). Understanding and appreciation can help the two of you come to a compromise you can both live with.

– someone who is emotionally well enough and emotionally secure enough to give some real tough-love; Many commitment phobes have been through so many relationships and know exactly how the script plays out. Having a game-changer who will not play by the script can sometimes be the “shock therapy” a commitment phobe really needs.

– someone who is committed to really helping the commitment phobe get to that place where he or she feels “safe” enough to come out of their hiding place. Commitment phobia, like all fear, is really a wall to hide behind. And seeing that there is really nothing to fear is a great relief to a commitment phobe.

So before you walk away, make sure that you’ve earned your way out — that is given it everything you got and more. That way you don’t look back with regret because you dumped someone you still love and a few months later he or she commits to someone else.

dumped?

There is not an easy answer on how to recover from being dumped by someone that you love. When you are experiencing the agony of a heartache, many people will offer you advice that you do not want to hear at that moment. You may hear comments like "I told you so", "you can do much better", or "it's their loss" and even the ever so popular "just get over it, you don't need them". No one can measure the amount of pain that you are feeling, and all the emotions that are attached.

You may experience feelings of rejection, betrayal, sorrow, loneliness or even anger. It is normal to dwell on all the good times in the relationship and forget anything that was negative. You may begin to blame yourself, and wonder what you could have done differently. Your pain is real and although most people have experienced a similar loss, your feelings are incomparable. Everyone deals with situations differently and there is not one person that can identify with the way it affects you.

The good news is that you are in control of your feelings and can determine the outcome. You can decide what is the best remedy for you in this situation. You may chose to stay busy and surround yourself with positive people, so that you are not alone to dwell on the emptiness that you feel. Eventually you will have to deal with your emotions, instead of camouflaging them in a crowd. You may want to be alone with a gallon of Ben & Jerry's ice cream, looking at photographs, and listening to sappy love songs. It is good to cry and release the emotions that you are feeling.

The one mistake that you should avoid is contacting the one who dumped you. This person did not care about your feelings when they dumped you, why would they care how you are feeling now? I remember my first heartbreak. I did not think the pain would ever go away. My Daddy told me "quit crying, because no man is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry". I can assure you that the pain is only temporary and will eventually fade. One day you will look back on your relationship without regret. Every relationship that you experience should be a preparation for the final one. Sometimes you have to trample through bad weeds to find your castle, but the thorns that pricked you along the way will miraculously heal when you arrive at your destination.

Do not be consumed with the notion that you were dumped by someone that you loved. Instead, remember the feelings of being in love and that you can experience that once again with someone that will value your relationship. Time heals wounds, and will guide you to the castle that is waiting for your arrival.