Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Unhappiness & Depression

The Cause of Unhappiness
The cause of unhappiness is a belief. What happens, no matter how undesirable or destructive to our life, health, desires or loves, does not cause unhappiness. The belief that we have to be unhappy is the only cause.
We merely believe we need to have things or avoid things in order to avoid unhappiness, which we would not have to fear if we did not believe we needed to be unhappy.

What Causes Unhappiness
When a person is believing he/she has to be unhappy, what they are believing is that they have to be unhappy because they believe they are against themselves. The belief in unhappiness is the belief in being wrong for oneself. Unhappiness, in fact, means that I believe that I do, or want, or think, or feel a way that is bad for me.
A person believes: Certain things I do not want to happen may happen or are now happening. I don’t want them to. I feel bad (and am worried or afraid now) because I “shouldn’t” be thinking negatively about my life now. Maybe I shouldn’t be not wanting what is evidently happening anyway. I am (as-if) denying reality, and that is wrong. I will be unhappy about this in the future because when certain things I do not want or do not like happen I will feel a way that is bad for me. It is wrong to expect misfortune. That is “unhappy” of me.
It doesn’t matter that if the undesirable event happens to me from circumstances out of my control, or if I think I am the cause or part of the cause; unhappiness comes as me believing that I now have proof that I am bad for myself.
“Bad for myself” means I am not really wanting for me what I “should” be wanting for me, and something can prove it. The belief is that this event “proves” it.
Basically, feeling bad means that I believe that what I do, or think, or want, or feel means I am against my own best interests. I believe these are a bad way of doing thinking, wanting or feeling. The way I am being is a bad (wrong, self-defeating) way of being.
This could be called the same as believing that I will be a way I shouldn’t be, or think a way I shouldn’t or want or feel a way I shouldn’t. If we didn't believe that we could be a way we “shouldn’t” we couldn’t feel unhappy no matter what else we felt.
All unhappiness is the fear that we have a bad attitude for ourselves. We are afraid that something proves we are bad for ourselves in the sense that we are in some way against what we are for, and for what we are against. We are afraid that we have a self-defeating attitude.
The fear that we have a bad, or self-defeating, attitude is the same as distrusting the very source or cause of our motivation. We are unhappy when we believe our very life, our heart, our self is against all that we live for; our personal happiness.
Happiness is the freedom to be as we are, however we are; richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, gaining or losing, succeeding or failing, wanting or not wanting, approving or not approving, forever. Happy is what we are and what we’ll be if we don’t believe we are wrong to be as we are.

The Seven Understandings of All Unhappiness

1. Unhappiness is the feeling of a belief about a perceived or imagined phenomena; not an experience caused by the phenomena or anything else.
2. Unhappiness is experiencing your own believing that an event is bad and/or should not be because you believe IT causes unhappiness.
3. Believing something causes unhappiness is the very reason it seems to “cause” unhappiness.
4. Believing that something can cause unhappiness is the only cause of the fear of it. By “fear” is meant loathing, need to avoid, need to cure, need to kill or eliminate, disgust, hatred, terror, horror, repulsion, disdain and all such similar feelings.
Fear is not a simple desire to avoid, destroy or otherwise prevent or eliminate a threat to your desire values. That attitude does not need to presume avoiding unhappiness in order to justify a simple desire.
5. Believing someone or something is morally wrong or evil, psychologically “sick” or behaviorally inappropriate is to fear that person or thing as if it could cause unhappiness.
6. Unhappiness is fearing that unhappiness can “happen” or be caused by anything.
7. Unhappiness is believing that something is necessary, something has to be, should be, ought to be, or must be other than what it is.

ways to be happy................

What is happiness? We all have our own definitions. It could be feeling joyful, optimistic, content, or even just truly relaxed. Some may say that happiness is freedom from the kind of strain or unhappiness they used to feel. Some are not even sure happiness is something they have time for. They may think, “It’s enough to just get through my to-do list every day. I don’t have time to pursue happiness on top of everything else.” And yet, would they insist that they must strain and feel tense to accomplish their goals? Or might they think they can feel peace of mind, content, yes, even happy, and still succeed in getting everything done? So here are ten sure-fire ways to increase your happiness quotient and achieve your goals more easily than before!

Don't expect perfection from yourself or anyone else. Don't forget this is planet Earth. And don’t expect perfection in working these happiness tips, either. Lean into them everyday, and your life can change. Progress is good enough.
Accept. Stop judging. When we judge ourselves, our circumstances, or other people, it leaves no opening to settle into and accept “what is.” If your circumstances seem too severe to accept, try to resist less. And less. You will give yourself emotional space to move toward acceptance and change at the same time. Sounds like a contradiction, but that’s the beauty. It isn't.

Stay in the present. Do not waste time and energy regretting the past or worrying about the future. Worry is a drain. We might think that worry teaches us or motivates us, but calm presence is the best source of happiness, wisdom, and positive action.

Be grateful. When we put our attention on all the good in our lives, the good tends to increase. Remember to be thankful for the small blessings, the everyday things.

Decide to be happy. Having the intention to be happy, regardless of current circumstances, attracts conditions that support you. The old saying that “like attracts like” even works with your intentions. They act like a magnet and draw to you more of what you are already resonating. If you want to be happy, make happiness your first desire.

Be self-authorized. Stop making choices based on what others believe you should do, think, or be. Stay true to your own innate knowing of what is best for you. Speak your truth in a kind manner. Let others be responsible for their reactions.

Choose how you feel. We often say that something or someone "made" us feel a certain way. And yet, as we watch people react so differently to the same event, we see with our own eyes that people choose how they feel. Learn to pause. Take a moment to choose how you wish to react and feel. You may be surprised at how much leeway you have!

Examine your beliefs. Often things in our life we accept as facts are really self-defeating beliefs. Once you find these beliefs are not true, they will shift and dissolve. Beliefs influence every decision you make.
Expand your options. Allow for more possibilities in the present and future, regardless of past experience. Drop the word "can’t" from your self-talk. Allow yourself to dream big. On a weekly basis, write down all your desires, and let the sky be the limit.

Create what you desire. Rather than putting all your energy into pushing away the things you don’t want, direct your energy into creating what you do want. Come up with even just one action step - and then the next - and start building the life you desire.

heart broke

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

how do to understand non heterosexual

How to Understand Gay and Lesbian People

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit

Gay men and Lesbians are not as different from the rest of society as you may assume they are. They have been labelled, they have had to fight for acceptance, and for equal treatment under the law, such as the right to marry and adopt children. Do you really know about them, or do you just think you do?


  1. Learn that gay men and lesbians are no different from any other group of people. They have dreams and goals, and want to be happy and lead productive lives. The more time you spent around gay and lesbian people, the more you realize that they're just people, the same as you.
  2. Forget about stereotypes; they almost always do not apply.

  3. Accept the fact that the ability to love or care for another is not solely related to sexuality; love has no gender. Gay relationships are built and based on the same foundations as straight ones: mutual attraction, love, respect and trust.
  4. Realize that it is not your business who other people love. That is personal to each individual, and has nothing to do with your life (if you choose to keep your life separate). The way others live does not affect the way you live in any way, so if you choose to stay away and segregate yourself from gay men and lesbians living openly, they will not attempt to force their friendship on you.
  5. Understand that gay and lesbian people do not choose to be gay and cannot make themselves straight; just as straight people do not choose to feel attracted towards the opposite sex.
  6. Be open minded, as you would be with any other person. Do not assume that a person is sexually attracted to you; if you're a girl, do you assume that all straight boys are into you, because they like girls? That would be ridiculous, and the same thing applies to everyone - just because a person is attracted to your gender does not mean that they are sexually interested in you. Being friends with someone who has a different sexual orientation to you is no different to having a friends of the opposite sex.


  • Straight people do not need to be nervous around gay people. Treat the gay community as you would the heterosexual community.
  • If you meet a person at work whom you suspect might be gay, refrain from asking them about it. Ask yourself if you would appreciate being asked about your sex life by a work colleague? Probably not. Accept them as you would any of the other workers, and befriend them equally. If they wish to disclose their sexual preference, they will, but leave it for your coworkers to decide when or whether to do so.
  • Be aware that it probably took a lot of courage for someone to inform you of their sexuality, and that it is a gift of honesty and trust. It is important to that person's integrity to be honest about themselves, and you owe it to them and to yourself to be as understanding to them as you would want them to be with you.


  • Never use any of your views, whether religious or not, to make a homosexual feel that they are evil, or untouchable. If you truly want to understand them as people, you will need to approach the subject with an open mind. Disapproving of the "sin" should not make you hate the person who you believe to be "sinning".
  • Many devote people do not consider homosexuality a sin. Do not try to force your views on LGBT people.
  • Hostility will most often be met with hostility. In keeping with the title of our article, to truly understand someone, try to open a dialogue rather than lecturing based on your past knowledge or experience. Opening yourself to a person and truly making yourself willing to hear him or her can go a long way towards real understanding between both of you. Using derogatory slang is - at the very least - thoughtlessly using language that shows to other people that you don't respect the LGBT community.

Related wikiHows

Sources and Citations

Article provided by wikiHow, a collaborative writing project to build the world's largest, highest quality how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Understand Gay and Lesbian People. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.


Fasting is not a new concept to people in developing countries or to Islam. Food fasting is a common practice in our cultures, as a part of religious practices. There is Ramadan which requires a month of day-time fasting; fasting being one of the five pillars of Islam. Other religions that inculcate fasting in their ritual practices are Buddhism, Hinduism, Judaism (during Yom Kippur), Confucianism, Jainism, and Christianity (before Easter).
Apart from fasting as a form of religious observance, it is also practiced as a form of civil disobedience. Hunger strikes, for example, are a form of resistance popularized by Mahatma Gandhi. This practice is common in India, where workers irrespective of religion would go on a fast in front of their workplaces to either protest unjust practices of their employer/government or some other demand-like action against injustice. They fast until their demands are met and at times declare a fast unto death. Fasting is used as a political weapon the world over by people to protest against the injustices practiced by their governments. From political prisoners in America to Asian immigrants who have been incarcerated in Australia, fasting has proved to be a powerful tool to send out a message.

In some countries, some people go on a silence fast, when the person doesn’t talk for a day or a few days. It is called by different names in different countries of the south. In the Indian subcontinent, it is called “mouna virath” where mouna means silence and virath means fast. Some health resorts require all its members to go on silence fasts during the period of stay in the resort. While it has not been scientifically proven that this actually has health benefits for the person, it requires great effort and discipline on the part of the person participating in the silence fast, for not even a grunt or a groan is allowed. Silence fasts helps in inculcating discipline in humans and most martial arts schools use them in training.

But an energy fast?

Earth Facts

According to the World Watch Institute and the Rainforest Conservation Fund, here are a few earth facts:

*Almost two acres of rainforest disappear every second. With shrinking rainforests, thousands of species which inhabit the rainforests, such as the gliding tree frog and the colorful macaw, have made the endangered species list.

*Smog and increasing pollution is choking our cities with more people falling ill as a result and developing higher health bills.

* Drastic population increases have necessitated burning of carbon-based fuel, like coal and oil, for power production. As a result, the carbon locked in millions of years worth of ancient plant growth was released into the air, laying a heat-retaining blanket of carbon dioxide over the planet. Earth's temperature has increased significantly, just as climate scientists had predicted 30 years ago. And annual damages from weather disasters have increased over 40-fold.

* Our consumption of chemicals has exploded, with about three new synthetic chemicals introduced each day. Almost nothing is known about the long-term health and environmental effects of new synthetics, so we have been ensnared again and again by belated discoveries. As pesticide use has increased, so has the evolution of pesticide-resistant pests.

* The increase in the human population in the past 30 years is equal to that of the past 100,000 years! This extreme increase in the number of people and the pressures to accommodate the human population has had a direct effect on the amount of land used by each person, either directly or through economic demand. As a result of this expansion, incursions of human activity into agricultural and forested lands have accelerated.

* Our oceans and sea life are in trouble and we need to do something about it. The global economy has more than doubled in the past 30 years, putting pressure on most countries to increase export income. Many have tried to increase revenues by selling more ocean fish, for which there is growing demand, since the increase in crop yields no longer keeps pace with population growth. Result: over-fishing is decimating one stock after another and the catch is getting thinner and thinner.

Fast Or Buy?

Can you go without man-made energy for a day?
Energy fasts are pretty much the same as food fasts, except you go completely without man-made energy for a day. It would be easier to observe this in the developing and underdeveloped countries if we pretend we are in the midst of a power cut and a petrol pump strike for an entire day.

But why energy fast instead of fasting from a natural resource like water, for example? This is because after population pressures, human energy use is the second link in the chain of environmental destruction. All human beings need energy; for warmth, for cooking food, and in the developing and developed countries for our manufactured goods, transportation and communication. Evidently the locating, refining, production, and distribution of consumer-ready power itself require energy.

But why is this important? Because every time we use energy, there are costs to nature.

The late David Brower, founder of Earth Island Institute who is considered by many to be the dean of the world environment movement, said in 2000, “Many environmentalists hail new efficient and ‘green’ energy sources, while forgetting that our greatest untapped source of energy is still the energy we can conserve by not using so much of it. Earth Day Energy Fast is the kind of idea that we need right now to put ‘conservation’ back in the conservation movement. To all those who are concerned about climate change, air pollution, species extinction, and the other costs to the earth of making energy, it's time to take action. Give the Earth a break it can feel by going on an Earth Day Energy Fast.”

So instead of just buying energy efficient gadgets, which is important but also easy, try going on an energy fast. Better still, try to combine your food fast with your energy fast, which is comparatively easier. Depending on the climatic conditions of each country, one can observe it in spring, winter, summer or fall. Go on an energy fast for one day. Get your community involved.

The Green Ribbon Pledge

The green ribbon stands not only for environmental awareness but also means the person wearing it has taken the pledge to conserve
While the red ribbon stands for AIDS awareness, the pink ribbon for breast cancer awareness, the green ribbon stands not only for environmental awareness but also means the person wearing it has taken the pledge to conserve. Join people worldwide who have taken the green ribbon pledge to conserve energy for a secure future. There are hundreds of things you can do every day to reduce energy consumption. The result will be that you’ve saved energy and money, increased our national security, improved our air and water quality, lessened threats posed by global warming, and benefited the health of all humans. Here are a few suggestions from the Green Ribbon Pledge:

LIGHTS & COMPUTERS: Turn off lights in unoccupied rooms; turn off appliances and computers when not in use.

LIGHT BULBS: Replace incandescent light bulbs with compact fluorescent bulbs.

FULL LOADS: Wash only full loads in dish washers and washing machines.

WINDOW SHADES: Keep drapes and shades closed at night in winter (to keep heat in) and during the day in summer (to keep heat out).

HEATING & COOLING: Adjust home and office thermostats down at least one degree when heating and up at least one degree when cooling (adjust further when you are out).

WATER HEATING: Put an insulating blanket on your water heater (saves 540 kWh/year).

LOW-FLOW FAUCETS: Install faucet aerators and low-flow shower heads to reduce water use and energy used for water heating (saves up to 446 kWh/year).

HOT WATER PIPES: Insulate hot water pipes, especially at their outlets from hot water heaters (minimum savings of 340 kWh/year).

GREEN ENERGY: Purchase green energy from renewable energy sources where available (where not available, hook up with local groups and companies that supply green vehicles and spread awareness about it).

CARPOOL/PUBLIC TRANSIT: Take public transit or carpool to work, school, and events.

CAR CARE: Keep your car well tuned, tires inflated, and have regular oil changes.

If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping in a room with a mosquito – African proverb.

Cutting down energy use is the most important thing you can do to secure our and our children’s future from the negative effects of unreliable, unstable and environmentally damaging energy sources